Fighter Jet Day!

Word of the day: Cojones (look it up... hint, it's not English.)

While I am terrified of commerical airliners I seem to have developed a fascination with fighter jets, all things American to be exact. Especially those that can land on carriers in the middle of the ocean. I could watch those landings for hours, though I still can't manage to land them on my roommate Jim's flight simulator.

Stay tuned for a shameless plug of our new disc......

My Personal Double Standard

To begin, here are a couple of classic quotes from a season 5 episode.

After suffering a heart attack, Jim Lahey (the only person in the park that knows CPR probably) says there is no
way Ricky could have survived 6 minutes sans oxygen to his brain to which Bubbles replies, "maybe Ricky's brain doesn't need as much oxygen as normal people."

Ricky tells the infamous Cory and Trevor who have just been shot by Cyrus, "you got shot? yeah, well i just died..... why don't you call a dumbulance."

I realize that Ricky being revived by shoddy CPR (Lahey just pumped on his chest for a while) after six minutes of being "dead" is highly unlikely....just as unlikely and preposterous in fact as any aforementioned plot on 24. Yes, it appears that I, queen of the universe, have a double standard. All I can say is that I laugh "with" TPB and I laugh "at" 24.

Sex and the City: A Wee Rant
Today's rant is sponsored by Manolo Blahnik

Ok, I love the show, Sex and the City. Though the fact that four beautiful women are able to live beyond their means in New York City should make me feel bad about my bumbleton Canadian existence for some reason watching the show always made me feel like I was coming home. Perhaps I was vicariously living through Carrie (my favourite character), being comforted by the fact that while fictional, there was someone else out there who went through similar relationship strife. Not to mention there are plenty of wardrobe ideas to gain from watching her. (Only a couple of minor mishaps.)

Anyway, I have only one complaint: the playing out of her affair with Mr. Big. Now, we've all had Bigs in our lives. Our experiences are at times worse, at times better than those experienced by Carrie. The inherent 'attractive' quality of Big is that he is forever unattainable and will never express his true emotions, if, in fact, he ever has any. So why, after all this realism, does he chase after her to Paris to express his undying love? It's like because they were ending the show, they had to wrap everything up in a neat little package, resolve all of the tristes and what?.... go against everything the show was accomplishing. Good job guys. I for one was disgusted because I know that there is no Big doppelganger in this world that would behave in this manner, no matter what kind of lightbulb went off in his head, no matter how much time had passed. Earlier in the show when he thought he was dying of heart problems, he had a moment of weakness and was nice to Carrie.... this is realistic because the next day, once he was feeling more secure, was just as much of a tool as he always had been.

And that's my rant. Thank goodness I have eradicated all traces of Big characters in my life and have found someone that from the beginning has been willing to express his love and follow me several times halfway across the world. (well, just to Canada so far, but close enough.)

Hungarian Festival '04 - Me desperately trying to follow the Kontrabeast

Formula 24

Last year, based on the buzz around the office, John decided we should start watching 24 on DVD. It was perfectly timed as at the time I didn't have cable and was spending all of my free time practicing for auditions. We quickly got into it being that each episode runs into the next. Good thing we watch it on DVD only - I don't think I could stand waiting a week to find out what good ol' Jack Bauer is up to. Midway through the second season however, we quickly found many flaw at which we could poke fun. Our uproarious laughter would probably enrage all you serious TV watching folk but luckily y'all don't have to deal with our antics.
We're thinking of writing to the team of writers in order to point out the obvious flaws/unrealistic aspects.

Here is a list of some of the many things that make us laugh:

1. Even if Bauer is no longer working for CTU, someone he is romantically involved with/related to gets kidnapped forcing him to break all of the rules (of course these transgressions are disguised as being in the name of national security) in order to save them.

2. No one at CTU is a professional. They do not take orders, they spy on each other... here's a tip: if you spent more time doing your actual job and less time trying to climb your way up the anti-terrorist ladder by telling on your fellow co-workers perhaps they could rename the show 2 hours, 15 minutes and 43 seconds.

3. CTU might as well have a neon flashing sign in the parking lot. It's a very obvious building with giant sattelite dishes on the roof. How's that for covert?

4. Anyone can get in to CTU at any time. Those white shirts (now a klassy shade of red) are easily beat up, killed and/or fooled by fake maintenance badges, EMT trucks and pizza delivery hats.

5. No means yes.

6. Office romances, even when they threaten the lives of the president, secretary of defense or britney spears are not only appropriate, but strongly encouraged and supported.

Will we stop watching it? Oh no, we just started season 4 tonight. The hilarity begins.

Delightful Destitution

This is a photo taken of Madeleine (aka. Muriel) and me (also, aka Muriel) in Vancouver shortly after we moved there a couple of years ago. She had just started law school and I was taking lessons with Mr. Stanick at the Academy. Those first few months were incredible. It was exciting to be in a new city, meet new people and do new things. Though ultimately it got very expensive I still look back on it fondly and man I miss that girl!
I especially miss those destitute sunday nights, lying on the floor listening to Elton John and commiserating over our situations. But at least I had my good girlfriend around, that's something lacking currently. There's no one to come screaming in at 4 am to tell me of her wild adventures, no one to call me "bwianne." J may just have to find her a sailor so she can move to VA too. No submariners need apply.
Vancouver is also responsible for planting the seed of American boys in my dating preferences... yeesh, still haven't gotten that out of my system and it doesn't look like I ever will!

What's with crazy people and their attraction to those of us that have less than zero interest in talking to them. "it cold 'nuf for ya?" Yes, actually it is cold enough... for everybody... in fact it's too cold. Why is this such an engaging conversation topic for people? It's Canada! I would imagine that everything that is to be said about cold has already been said... so save it for your self-conversations with yourself and leave me alone. Earphones help sometimes but unfortunately they do not deter the ultra-crazies.

Speaking of ultra-crazies there was a 7 foot tall man behind me in line at safeways yesterday that was a "close-stander." Man, that drives me. I couldn't get him to stop snuggling up next to me. Is it that you're 7 feet tall and simply can't see me, or are you just weird?

Movie of the Day: Constant Gardener (Watch it and tell me how it is!)

What you should listen to today: Billy Joel: "Captain Jack"

Wednesday's Peeves

Here is a short list of things that drive me bananas.

1. People that smell bad.
Though I have not had the pleasure of riding HRT, I am a regular customer of ETS. I have noticed an increasing number of people that stink. Here's what I don't understand. If I'm not mistaken, most people have running water ie. showers are constantly within the realm of possibility. There is also a plethora (ever-increasing) of bath, soap, body and perfume products not only on the shelves, but on every available billboard. Is smelling bad, therefore, a choice? If so, it is one of very poor taste. If you know someone that smells bad or you suspect that maybe you are a culprit please! for the love of your fellow co-workers/human beings... get help!

2. Wedding dresses.
In short, they're hideous. I thought the Victorian era had long since ended, so why are lace and beads still making their way on to bridal gowns? And why are said bridal gowns all so gigantic? I am not the smallest woman in the world, there are plenty of teeny tiny young girls getting married.... there should be options for us too! The prices are just as astronomical. I feel that it is ridiculous to spend a pile of money on something you will wear once when the money could be put toward a house/car/cancer research but the wedding industry really has those of us with good taste in a bind. They only put the most vile dresses on sale... in size 24.

3. Ultra low-rider jeans
Whose idea was this? And why haven't we kicked this trend to the curb? I still see (even on a frigid winter day) girls with tiny shirts and super low jeans. Effect.... we can all see your gut. Even if you don't have one in nature, pairing a baby T and low pants that are 2 sizes too small will give you one. Do you not own a mirror? Not that I'm advocating Mom jeans by any stretch but there has to be balance... and parents that have the guts (ha ha) to tell their teen daughters they look like plumbers.

In order to cleanse the palate, I promise that sometime this week I will list things that I like. Hmmm, any ideas?

"Sorry y'all, no appointments....ever."


NetRage Cont'd

Oh where do I begin? The US consulate in Vancouver told me to tell my fiance to go to his local INS (now, apparently, CIS) office and ask a few questions she couldn't answer. I dutifully compiled a list of questions, dialed them into him and for his convenience, looked up the address of said supposed office. The "Norfolk sub office" (no, they don't sell submarines of any sort) website listed the address, stating that should you want to walk in and ask questions, you are to make an appointment through the internet. After the kiwanis experience, this did not bode well. I followed all the steps to make an appointment only to find that there are no available appointments at this time. I did not specify a day, month or even year. Does this mean that on any given day there is no one at work?
Furthermore, when i looked up driving directions from his place to the commercial park that houses this office, mapquest did not have the specific address. The closest they could find is something resembling billy bob's photo shop. So lemme get this straight. Billy bob's shop has more net traffic than an immigration office that serves the whole of the hampton roads area, yet this office is SO busy that it has no more appointments...indefinitely.

I realize Norfolk is perhaps not a major center (though it IS home to the largest navy base in the world) but even ghetto e-town has a big ol' pink building in a convenient location that can service most of our immigration/governmental needs. I do not get it...yo.

I'm sure by the time we're married I will have replaced these concerns with other ever so interesting dilemmas like, "The grapefruit crop in florida was spoiled by the hurricane! They've gone up to 71 cents each!" but for now, I'm stuck wit'em.

NetRage

This picture represents what I'm feeling at the moment. I've just had the pleasure of trying to download the Kiwanis syllabus and having it come up in hieroglyphics. You used to be able to get a hard copy and register by phone. What's with everything being online? There is always some problem. This just furthers my distaste for the festival. It was a horrible experience when I was a participant and last year it was a complete waste of time with the exception of the orchestral class. Not to mention, I had to give up a gig... and we all know how much B loves to make money.

This week only gets better. I've finally broken down and made a dentist appointment. I cringe at the thought of the bill. Just when I was feeling good about my finances.... I need new contacts, clean teeth, a flight to rome... the list is endless. Luckily I've just been hired for a symphony gig
It will be good to get back into the swing of playing and the paycheque is providing much needed mental relief.

The moving company is packing up J's stuff today. By tomorrow it should be en-route to Sicily. That means some of my stuff will also be en-route. How exciting! In a way I'm looking forward to him getting there, figuring things out, getting settled but communication between us will definitely take a hit. The time difference and the expense of calling between Canada and Italy may force us to get online. Hopefully his computer will work by then but the online stuff will also be limited as I'm stuck with this primitive dial-up crap. At least there is a definite end to this struggle.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday!

What you should do today: Find cheap flights to Rome.... for me.

What you Should Watch Today: Trailer Park Boys (duh!) Season 4, "Conky" (I'm feeling Conkyrrific right now)
or if you don't have access to the dvds (it's not on tonight): Kink (showcase, 10 pm MST)
It's kind of like watching a train wreck... you just can't look away

Johnny and I, New Year's Eve


Fire(don't)works

And now for a tale from our adventures in Vegas. Our hosts, (J's dad and gfriend) decided to drive us out to the opening of a new casino. It was a pretty big deal, it's all they could talk about on the news that day. It boasted 64 bowling lanes (not 63, not 57, but 64), a dozen or so movie theatres etc... A necessary addition to the outskirts of Vegas apparently. So we drive out to see the pre-opening fireworks. There is a three lane back-up of cars a couple of miles long that builds up after we arrive. The fireworks are spectacular and last approximately 15 minutes. They don't disappoint in sin city! There wasn't much wind that day so a giant plume of smoke and ashed lingered the whole time. As I was looking out in the distance, marvelling at the 2 minute interval of planes taking off at McCarran , someone points out that the smoke is black in one area.... specifically the area of the lower roof of the building on to which the fireworks had been falling from the upper roof. Sho' nuff as we got closer to the main doors, the building was being evacuated. Ouch. Time is money and dude that owns it probably contemplated finding the blaze and throwing himself into it. Sure it re-opened a few hours later but his wife probably had to forego her Louis Vuitton for a day and slum it in Bebe.

Karmic Night Sweats
What You Should Do Today: Practice an f minor Scale

You know, I guess I deserve my students sounding like crap this week what with the lack of practicing I did in my middle two years of university. Then again, they're all still minors, living at home with their parents. When I was under the iron fist of my dad, I think I was generally quite prepared, or if not prepared, black and blue.

Sometimes I think I'm too mean to them but then I remember the B 1/2 flat, 1/2 natural and realize that they should be thankful that I care. I humiliate them only because I love them. Maybe, just maybe they'll pull it together by next week's concerts... stranger things have happened.

I've started compiling the K-1 package. I called the embassy today and though the woman wasn't sure of times and places she suggested that we get on the stick tout de suite. At least the answers she didn't know she admitted, instead of lying and getting me screwed later. Thank you kind American woman living in Ottawa ( you poor thing.)

I'm working on the picture thing, if only to compete with Johnny in fulfilling your voyeuristic needs but it has been brought to my attention that they've all been put on to disk. Son of a .... i'm a gonna have to start digging.

Fuzzy Visa Head

What you Should Eat Today: Taco Salad, or, if you can afford it.... smoked salmon.

I've only been back three days and already calm Virginia Brianne is going the way of the jet wash. Stressed oot E-town Brianne is back folks! Watch out!

I've started looking into the Italian/US green card question because in the next couple of years I will have to deal with both countries. Lucky me. Today's delight involved reading about the K-1 Fiancee Visa into the US. Sure, it will be a couple of years before J gets back there but I want to make sure that when the time comes for us to get married and settle back in VA, all of our bases are covered and I don't end up getting probed in a windowless airport in North Dakota or worse yet, denied entry for five years. I've read/heard conflicting reports and I'm sure the fact that we may both be in italy right up until we get married only complicates/confuses the issue. I guess I'm thankful for the fact that such a visa exists for the US but man, it's not easy to figure out. I guess if you can figure out the circular INS system that makes no sense they figure you're just the person to add to their society. If you're so logical that you hit a wall at every turn then there's no way you're going to swallow Fox News and such and thus, could never possibly thrive and contribute to the economy. No, I'm NOT anti-american, i guess i'm just frustrated by bureaucracy. I love America!

Anyway, if anyone has any advice on how to navigate the bureaucracy of either of these countries, or knows where to find a legit job in sicily, lemme know.

Picture Day!
Movie You Should Watch Today: Down Periscope

I finally figured out how to find this picture that johnny took new year's eve of me and J. I apologize for not looking fantastic, but I liked the hats so I thought I'd include it.

I have slowly begun the process of unpacking. Did I mention slowly? Too...much....stuff.....can't breathe.....

My Mom is so cute. After she picked me up from the airport and dropped me at home she giggled as she pulled out some passport applications. With the exception of driving to Montana, my parents have never left the country so watch for pigs in the sky if ever you read of them visiting me abroad.

What You Should Listen to Today

T.A.T.U

Rant of the Day

Today's rant is sponsered by the TSA.

For those of you that don't know me, I've been paralyzed by a fear of flying for the past couple of years. It came on suddenly when I moved back to E-town from Vancouver. I annoy everyone with this fear, no one is immune.

After flying so much over the past few weeks my fear has turned into extreme annoyance. Annoyance with smelling like other peoples' breath, turbulence, delays, dehydration... the list is endless. The least uncomfortable flight path I've discovered so far is the trip between E-town and Chicago with United on my favourite plane, the CRJ. Sure, it's cramped but the Colorado based flight crew that runs it is second to none. Yesterday the donkeys at O'Hare tried to re-route us to Bismarck, North Dakota stating that it was a necessary diversion due to weather. Oh how I would have loved to be stuck in North Dakota last night. Our pilots radioed back stating that according to their calculations, Alberta's weather was fine, and "screw you guys, we're crossing the border!" With the exception of take-off and landing, the actual flight was smoother than I've experienced in a long time. Unlike our trips to and from Vegas. The jackscrew nearly failed us into Pittsburgh. It was mighty harrowing. My poor fiancee had to deal with my psychotic episode. He's a keeper!

What's a jackscrew you might ask? This is a question that requires further research because I've received conflicting reports. It seems that my Canadian aviaphiles saw a show about a commercial jet's "jackscrew" failing and flipping the plane. J's brother in law however, (a card carrying commercial pilot) has never heard of such a device. What are your thoughts/intelligence?

My experience going through security at O'Hare has generally involved getting yelled at and pushed through a herd of cattle in a very efficient manner. Yesterday they weren't as busy so the white shirt on duty took a moment to comment on my Virginia Tech Hokies t-shirt, asking me how I felt about their quarterback (Marcus Vick) getting kicked off the team. Clever. BTW, college t-shirts are comfortable and appropriate attire for any voyage.

In short, I've always hated loud machines, especially those filled with gallon upon gallon of jet fuel. I don't think that will change anytime soon but I think I'm starting to get control of my psychosis. Though I'm sure planes and or flying will be mentioned in many future updates. If only I could have my own private F-18. For some reason they don't scare me.

8 flights in 19 days.... 8 states and 5 capitals in 3....

Wow. What a trip. I guess I'll start with the highlights and save the expanded version for some lonely rainy/-30 day.

- I got engaged!
- I went to Las Vegas
- I saw Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, Maryland, Ohio, Michigan, Indiana and Pennsylvania
- I met J's family
- I got new DKNY sunglasses at the MacArthur Center

But by far the most important thing that came out of this trip was that it was confirmed that Pennsylvania is the worst state to travel through whether it be by car or by plane. I'll admit that I've never traveled through by train but I'm sure that's horrible too.

People comment on the backwater hills of W.Va. Sure the landscape is a bit "Deliverance"esque but I didn't see very many inbred/deformed types. In fact, the only place of the whole trip that struck me as being a bit "different" was Flint, Michigan. I won't say anything more for fear of offending Michael Moore and other such stellar exports of that town so you'll just have to go there and see if you notice anything. You can get a really good philly cheese steak sandwich.... start booking your tickets!

Sadly I did not get the pleasure of riding HRT. (Hampton Roads Transit.) I'll have to save that for another trip. But if there's anyone out there that has and would like to share their experience....