Yesterday

Happy birthday to J, yesterday.

Obviously not doing a very good job of staying offline. I am still feeling like I'll be pregnant forever and am worried about baby's position (fortunately that should be determined today), but I am also feeling a bit more positive overall. Maybe it's the cooler weather.

Nadiaisms

I am morally opposed to putting (my) children on leashes so when I was given this one I nearly gagged but J had a good idea and removed the leash part and it quickly became Nadia's doggy backpack. A fine friend indeed.

(After pulling out her measuring tape the width of my hips) "29 pounds! You're such a big girl!"

(After pushing her index finger into my belly) "I pressed you off so you can stop singing."

(When asked why I should stop singing) "Because it's so noisy!"

I'm considering going offline until I have this baby - am way too much of a stress monkey and reading about people having babies before me - pretty much everyone does - or questions about if I've had mine or not - are probably not conducive to stress-free living. This means potentially no blogging (reading or posting) and no facebook - obviously I will have to keep checking things like bank accounts, what with being CFO of this family and all. I also might stop weighing myself because though I'm pretty satisfied with my gain this time around, I don't need the daily stress of wondering if it will continue to go higher, especially if I go past 40 weeks. By now you should all know how directly linked my vanity and mood are - ridiculous, yes, but a fact nonetheless. Then again, maybe I won't be able to resist the strong pull of social networking and maybe avoiding it won't change my mood at all. I mean, telling me to relax is like telling birds to stop chirping. Really.

Baby's Room Post-Improvements

Picture N made for the baby months ago.

New lights and yes, they work. This is particularly impressive since there was no light fixture in there to begin with so J had to wire it himself. That's my man.

New closet doors. Big deal, you say? Well, consider the fact the opening used to be 47 inches and is now 48. And yes, this room is cluttered right now but eventually things like the bassinet and swing will not be in there and once she's sleeping in the crib (most likely not until some time in the new year), we obviously will stop treating it like a dumping ground. It's a very small room so one of the reason we had to put up bi-fold doors (it would have been so much easier to put in sliding doors, hence negating the need for a 48 inch opening), but we (I) really wanted to be able to put the dresser in the closet to free up space and, well, in order to be able to open the drawers, the closet doors have to be able to open out. Fascinating stuff, I know.

Ugly rocking chair J has had for a billion years that is super comfortable. Once the baby grows past the rocking stage I don't know what we'll do with it - it is a style DISASTER! But I will be sad to see it go.

37 Weeks: Confessions of Anxiety

So I have made it to what health professionals call "full-term" though I don't think anyone in my family has had a baby earlier than 39 weeks unless something went wrong. My mom was born 12 days late (she was my grandmother's 3rd and final child) and my younger brother was 11 days late. (My youngest brother was induced on his due date so he would have been late as well -impossible to know just how much.) Latey late late late. So of course I too expect to be pregnant longer than 40 weeks. This isn't so much what bothers me. (Though the recent growth spurt I've experienced - up to 22 lbs- makes me a bit concerned I will overshoot my weight goal - though I am happy that the spurt means that I'm not measuring as small for dates - still small, just not as small.) You see, I feel like my body is so good at getting and staying pregnant that it doesn't know how to stop being so. I know, it sounds silly, but I have absolutely no confidence in my body to go into labor on its own. I have less fear than one would expect surrounding the actual labor and delivery - it's just the beginning I can't imagine. How, when, where? (On the flip side, after all her waiting, my mom's labors were super quick - 11-days-late bro was out in like, 2 hours or something, hence the induction of the next baby.) And then worrying about this makes me worry that my mind will put a mental block on going into labor on its own and I'll have to be induced - a process I have even less confidence in, especially considering what happened last time. I am all too aware that the mind has a powerful effect on the body and I'm about the worst person in the world at relinquishing control.

I also have this notion that at least one thing has to be difficult for any given person. I had no trouble getting pregnant either time and despite hating the condition, have had very uncomplicated and "easy" pregnancies, found breastfeeding to be cake, and have one of the most beautiful and easiest kids to raise (with the exception of having her overseas with 0.0% help and the whole first year of little to no napping) so I feel like late and difficult labors (ie. the important stuff in-between) are my penance. Adding weight to the idea that my body will never go into labor is that, at 37 weeks, running is getting easier. I read several blogs of more serious runners than I that talk about struggling during those last few weeks - slower pace, pain in various places, etc.... Um, so my treadmill runs are actually faster and my outdoor runs (I haven't timed them in months - too depressing) feel a whole lot springier - the few pains I get are usually caused by sudden gas, tmi? no more round ligament pain. And I'm not feeling like I have to pee as soon as I leave the house like I did in the first trimester. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE WITH ALL THAT BABY IN THERE?

In my quotidian life I am feeling pressure on my hips and in my pelvis that I didn't feel last time leading me to believe baby has dropped earlier than N did and sometimes I feel like I can even see it in the mirror. (The bit of breathlessness I felt in the early 30 weeks is gone too.) But then I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me and I will be the only woman in the world who is designed to gestate indefinitely, whose body actually performs better the more pregnant it gets.

Fortunately no one has checked my cervix and likely no one will before I am in labor. Do I really need to hear I am 0-0-0? Nope, I do not.

And in the interest of getting everything off my chest - I often wonder if I am considered truly multiparous? Does the fact that I had a c-section the first time mean I don't get the credit other people supposedly get (ie. faster and sooner labors) in subsequent pregnancies? I was having contractions on my own (8-15 minutes apart) before the induction last time and I did eventually dilate to a 6 or a 7 - but I feel that because that number was falsely achieved and I didn't pushed past it (thanks to a maternal fever and fetal intolerance), it is like I am having a baby for the first time - at least as far as my body is concerned. I know these are impossible questions to answer but this is how my brain works. (or doesn't.)

The Blue Angels are doing an Air Show this weekend, like, above our house, and it seriously sounds like a war out there so maybe sheer terror will shock this baby out. If only it worked like that... in the meantime we will be installing track lighting and closet doors in her room. J is seriously excited about the closet doors since it involves some destruction of property - ie. the opening is exactly 1 inch smaller than the doors - and according to some exasperated Home Depot employees, this is a common problem. Wth?

35 Weeks

(How do you like my "Whoville" pants, as J calls them. I actually have two pair of these Old Navy special - highly recommended for comfort and Dr. Seuss style.)

Tomorrow I will be 35 weeks pregnant. Total weight gain: 18.5 lbs. I am posting today because we may or may not have power tomorrow/this weekend in the wake of Hurricane Earl. This will be my inaugural hurricane so needless to say I'm a bit nervous.

Running is going well, better than it was, say, 6 weeks ago when both my legs and lungs felt heavy. The only major concern these days is that after a run my left IT band is feeling tight. I'm hoping it holds until I give birth after which point I will have a forced break, probably long enough for it (and me!) to recover. I'm still hoping to run 1000 miles this calendar year and have decided that I want to try to get in 800 before the baby comes. This means I need to continue to run 23 miles a week and can't give birth until October 9, the day after my due date. I have also decided that October 9th will be my last 10k even if I am still pregnant the following Saturday though I will continue to run past 40 weeks, just no more than 4 miles at a time. Running 6 miles at 40W + 1 Day is enough for this cat. I mean, really. (I also used this last phrase in a recent survey the Department of Defense sent out to military spouses asking their opinions on the possible repealing of the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" law. But that is for another post, another time..... maybe.)

My belly is looking "ready to pop" according to a dumb teenage lifeguard at the pool yesterday but surprisingly I have very little "bigness" discomfort. The pain I get in my back is because of baby hitting a nerve and is acute rather than chronic. I hope this doesn't mean she will want to be face up as that could mean a rather long and arduous labor.

This afternoon we will be bringing in boxes from the garage to a. go through and find baby stuff and b. make room in the garage for all of the garbage bins, lawn furniture, and various other outdoor items that could blow around in high winds. This includes my brand new car which I don't fancy being crushed by a tree so hopefully we will be able to jigsaw it in. I also don't fancy our house being crushed by trees so, y'know, wish us luck or something, especially since we live less than 10 miles from the, uh, Atlantic Ocean.