I don't have much to say but I feel like I need to write something. Maybe because Snugs is about to turn 4 months and I don't want to just write month to month updates with nothing in between.
So the main bullet point of the past month? I'm really floundering with this stay-at-home mom thing. I think more than before. Sure I now have one student (beginner violin - the most challenging combination I find) and it's nice to get away but the rest of the week? I really struggle. I know I have a wonderful and helpful husband (though since Snugs has come along there have been many curveballs thrown his way - curveballs that mean he's not home as much as he was) and have two healthy beautiful children for whom I am/should be thankful but it just doesn't feel like enough. And I find it difficult. Having friends would probably help - I miss my old ones. My friend K, whom I met in Sicily, might be moving here in just over a year, that would be nice. And we may fly home this summer to see the peeps. That too would be nice.
I know I'm doing the best thing for my kids by staying home so I try to keep in mind it won't always be like this. Some day I will have some semblance of a life again, right?
3 comments:
Hey there Bri,
I know it can be really isolating being a stay at home mom. It is easy to say "enjoy it, it all goes by so fast" and other such platitudes because while they are true, it doesn't make day to day realities any easier. Sounds like you have a healthy sense of perspective on things... you will have a life again (promise!) in the meantime, can you meet other stay-at-home moms? Also make sure you carve out time for your running... it tends to balance everything else out.
Hang in there!
PPC
I get it, I do. And it's not self-indulgent. You are searching for yourself, your new "you." Before Joe and Italy you had an identity, one that was yours, yours alone and by your making. I remember when Miguel and I married and I separated from the Navy. I too floundered also. I was stuck on some island, at home with my kids, and much like you kind of friendless (though mine was by choice and situation). I was lost. If I wasn't YN3, then who was I? This will pass. Trust me. You will find your new "you."
Pray hard enough and I could end up in VA again REAL soon and then we can hang out...until you get REAL sick of me!
Running/exercising is the one thing I do make time for - it is part of my kids' schedules, whether it be sitting in the stroller or going to the Y. Baby #2 has had no choice but to learn how to be stroller-bound for that long otherwise I would completely lose my mind. I have joined online groups to meet other moms but have never gone since their meetups are usually during my running time or the evening activities involve things for which I have no interest, like, scrapbooking. I may join a stroller running mom group in the summer if my double jogger fits into my little Honda. So having no friends is kind of by choice and kind of because I am a bit of a misanthrope.
You're right, Nikki, I did have an identity and I'm having trouble letting go of it, knowing it has to be different. I guess I felt like the change was temporary while we were in Italy but I'm finding it more difficult in the US because I expect it to be more similar to where I'm from. But it's not.
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